Shopping

Have you ever had what seems like an overwhelming desire to do something that you know is crazy? Have you ever caught yourself doing something that is illogical?

My problem has been with parking lots. Specifically, parking lots for shopping centers. Wal*Mart. Costco. Places like that. I enter them and drive very slowly. Scanning the vehicles. Looking for hers.

I don’t actually expect that I’d ever bump into her. What’s the chance that I’d go shopping at the same place and time as her? But I can’t keep myself from looking for her anyway.

It’s been over a month since I’ve seen her, and she haunts me. I look for her car on the road and in parking lots. I glance down aisles at grocery stores. I find myself turning when I catch her hair color out of the corner of my eye. And most of all, I have this vision in my mind that I can’t quite seem to shake, of me driving out to her new place, even if I don’t see her, even if I just sit in the car and stare at her house from the road, even if only to say, “I was there. I followed you. I came.”

I know I shouldn’t dwell on her, but I don’t know how to ignore these feelings, these urges.

But enough writing. I’m going shopping.